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RelConnory
'Rel' Connory
Biographical Information
Homeworld

Unknown

Date of Birth

Unknown; first verses recorded in 9 ABY

Physical Description
Species

Unknown

Gender

Assumed to be male

Force Sensitive

Probably not

Personal Information
Professions

Bard of the Hyperlanes

Political Information
Current Affiliation

Unknown, probably none

Exodus Information
Creator

Beorht

NPC

No

Connory, Bard of the Hyperlanes, wrote four-line stanzas about notable or larger-than-life individuals he met in his travels. His verses, set to various simple tunes and frequently written while drunk, were passed around backwater cantinas and shadowports across the galaxy. Eventually, they would be painstakingly researched, correlated, collected and published as Connory, Bard of the Hyperlanes: The Definitive Collection, G.Q. Beorht and A.-E. Sorosel, eds., 87 ABY, University of Lianna Press. Some verses are re-printed here, along with their likely subjects.

On occasion, Connory would add a fifth line, usually shouted or spoken tongue-in-cheek instead of sung, often for purposes of irony or further lampooning of the subject.

Connory was reputed to travel under the name Rel, in the guise of a fugitive smuggler. Fadin Kurn was his traveling companion aboard the Mobquet Medium Transport Solid Sunrise.

Later scholarship would, perhaps erroneously, attribute some of Connory's verses to Doctor Linna Beorht.


Kalo-Kaa:
The Tomcat Sheriff toys with crime
On Trevel'ka and Isen Prime
Fastidious 'mid sentient grime
He's honour's exile, biding time

Remember me to Ardustaar
I faithful served in peace and war
I suffer persecution sore
Yet honour is worth fighting for

Rhiannon DeVij:
Crustacean Lord of Not-Quite-Sith
Scion of a queen of myth
May have flesh and may have not
But does exactly what he's taught

Halla Kitani Kaijus:
Sold virtue for power
Sold children in vain
The Blinded Jade Empress
Can neither regain

Slade:
Slade Boar-hunter, free from shame
Has daughters more than he can name
A faster draw you'll never find
As Velok found when in a bind

Ashin2

Ashin Varanin, Sith Master and Connory's possible unrequited love.

Ashin Varanin:
The Leafghost steals, the Leafghost kills
But never does it for the thrills
Wishing that her heart would warm
Lighthouse in an endless storm

Order, Justice, Strength and Peace
In this code she finds release
A way to leave the bitter place
That's trapped her soul since Velok's race

The blood is poison in her veins
A pharmacy of aches and pains
A gift from those who wished her ill
Now Ashin's twisted blood can kill

They took my family and my friends
And bent my powers to their ends
If the choice were up to me
The Dark Side's Lord I wouldn't be

Ashin Blue Eyes can't escape
The echoes of Arcanix rape
So near averted - at what cost?
Now perhaps her soul is lost

She wields the Force by thinking Dark
But justice is her maker's mark
She's more a Jedi now than they
Who scoff because she fell away

Kalja Sairu Leidias:
The demigoddess loves her snake
And leaves the Order for his sake
Forgets Red Viper's former cause
When you picked me up, you knew what I was

Sivter:
With Charonandwith Cult recruits
He shook the cosmos in its boots
When Sivter raised his shadowed claw
I, personally, hid in the Maw

He ate two souls, and he'll eat yours too
Ol' Shadowthrone Sivter has more to do
In Chaos than when he e'er drew breath
Pray his machinations all end in death

364

Daer'Gunn, former Jedi Grandmaster.

Daer'Gunn:
Daer'Gunn scares the young and wise
That's 'righteous' anger in those eyes
He'll cut you up and throw you out
And never feel the slightest doubt

Freedom Nadd:
Cry Freedom, and let slip the strills of war
As Sith he found his fame and lost his soul
As Jedi he was fractious, young and vain
As family Mando, honour he regains
...by bounty hunting

As Kormoran wheels overhead
Our Freedom must attack and not defend
All this is bait to bring him down
But murd'rers too can learn to stand up strong

Damascus:
The Eunuch Lord, in true responsibility
Appoints a Regent for his masculinity
And compensates for all his missing privacy
By Cleansing thoroughly the Moffs' apostasy

His rule, they say, might lack testosterone
Perhaps he compensates with battlemoons
Most hated above all non-men alive
Our Emperor Damascus cannot swive!

Faye

Jedi Battlemaster Faye Ward.

Faye Ward:
She's Faye, by which we mean to say
A little mad, but that's okay
She bit and scratched and wooed Sigarr
Pushed celibacy pretty far

Rach Kol-Rekali:
Rach Kol-Rekali, Jedi man-slut
Loves the women, and he gluts
Himself upon the charms of Alliera
A daddy now, but not a charming fella
...unless you're a girl

Ember Rekali:
Ember Rekali never remembers
How many poor little Sith he dismembered
When killing Anari in Lyn-Char's thrall
His 'old-school ethics' slaughtered them all

Benna Kol-Rekali:
Little Benna Kol-Rekali
Got knocked up in some dark alley
By a certain godling pimply
Such angst cannot be resolved simply

Mikhail Sage:
Mikhail Sage, a pimply god
Is sleeping with an older broad
The daughter of a Council member
Mikhail should not anger Ember

Pimply God, I pray to thee
Cure Oedipal complexity
For I know you understand
Iara left you so unmanned

Jace Vintari:
Jace Vintari, Sith Assassin
Trusted Prince, after a fashion
Jedi Council's newest puppet
All the Padawans try to tap that

Archillus

Lesdraid, the Gentle Death.

Leroy Lesdraid:
Leroy Lesdraid, the hooded knife
The Gentle Death, he'll take your life
Neimoidians use Lesdraid for sport
With random women he cavorts

Darius Malakai, Maris Eterna:
Of Malakai I fear to sing
The vampire lord knows everything
If Maris gets me I won't fight
The Spider Queen knows how to bite

Cair Alana:
If Cair Alana eats my eyes
I shall ask her to sterilize
Her tools and instruments, and I
Will give my organs up and die

Maris Eterna, Cair Alana, Vexis Salitte:
Three daughters served the vampire lord
Though born to others, kin by blood
Eternal, though Rach tried his best
He failed and wept like all the rest

Maris Eterna, Brembla Kol-Rekali:
The Spider Queen she fought the Cyborg
Both were frequent denizens of morgues
The Spider lost and crawled away
The Cyborg won and died that day

Banner Ton:
The greatest traitor I ever did see
Admiral Ton, Empire's Xen'Chi
He purged and he Cleansedandhe made his mark
'Til Thrawn left him broken in the dark

Thrawn

Regent Mitth'raw'nuruodo - Grand Admiral Thrawn.

Mitth'raw'nuruodo:
Mitth'raw'nuruodo, Regent of all
Must oversee the Empire's fall
In another time, he might have won
The Xen'Chi brought his Empire down

Garrett G. Granth IVandcompany:
Garrett Granth once smoked with me
A dubious honour, for you see
There's few with whom I do not share it
As honour-badge I deign to wear it

Remember Vailhai, all Mon Cal
'Twas Garrett's captain and his pal
He drowned a Cultist witch in vain
She put a crowbar through his brain

Tsivoin Ulderis:
They call him Tsivoin Ulderis
They're unsure who his Master is
Or who taught him to kick such butt
This Jedi's just a slumdog mutt

LT, a Stormtrooper:
He's the man they call LT
A stormie in good company
All he needs to handle Ardin
Is plasteel and his E-11

Lurk Durd

Lork Durd, Trade Monarch and President of the Neimoidian Ruling Committee.

Lork Durd:
Great Baron Durd, Neimoidia
Gives out a great collective 'huh?'
When from your relative obsolescence
You manufacture independence

Lork Durd, the brand new Trade Monarch
Claimed independence on a lark
In dubious deals with old Hoersch-Kessel
Lork Durd obtained his plenteous vessels

A fleet did he create, Lork Durd
Ships with the firepower of turds
But landing craft descend like birds
Neimoidians never stick to words

Gezer Drezer:
Gezer Drezer, Bothan with flair
Gezer Drezer, Cartelier
Covets hypercommunications
Without much ethical foundation

Romivan Lago (with Annora Mire' and Ashin Varanin):
Romivan Lago pays for lovers
'Cause nobody else will have him
He fares less well, as he discovers
With Annora Miré and Varanin

He picked a fight with the good and right
And with the Sith as well
He and his cult must quickly take flight
Or Varanin will send him to Hell

Linna Beorht:
Linna Beorht - ah, who can say
Why that girl turned out that way
Brilliant and promiscuous
Her daddy shouldn't make a fuss
...cause he was a fething hypocrite