- "Hey, look, a Wikia article about me! It's about damn time you just let me update it...."
- — Deadpool
Hey guys! It's me, Deadpool! So, Cadden was generous enough to let me work on my own Wikia article and all that. Though he kept mumbling something about regretting it or whatever. I don't know why... it's going to be so freakin' epic! It's got all the cool stuff in it: a little history, what I can do (so you can know ahead of time to just pay me off instead of fighting me), and my... wait a minute... limitations?! Ehh, heh, heh, heh... I'm Deadpooooool... I don't have any... weaknesses. I'm all awesome!
Umm... look! A history lesson... about me! Read it!
- "WHAT?! What do you mean that I'm not Wade Wilson?! Of course I am... !"
- — Deadpool
I was probably born in the spring of 1969, under the name of Luke Vance. At least that's what Cadden would have you believe. He doesn't like people assuming that I'm actually Wade Wilson, 'cause I so totally am! But whatever. The past doesn't make a man, his U83R L33T 5K1LL5 do!
But anyway... I was originally called "Red Death." Something to do with my ability to cause death and mayhem wherever I went. My personal preference was "Captain Awesome," but they just looked at me funny. And speaking of which... why do people look at me funny when I make suggestions? They're all great ideas! Every... last... one... of them! I mean... come on!
Know what? Enough of my early past. I went to Weapon X, yadda yadda yadda... I guess I met Wolverine and Sabretooth there, as well? I don't know. I guess you'll just have to read my threads to find out! Let's cut to the meat of things!
Mercenary for HireEdit
- "You have any idea how hard it is to find a joint that'll serve a guy in a mask and bandolier? They won't even let me into Taco Bell!"
- — Deadpool
So, once the Chrell invasion was done and over with, I decided that enough was enough and I'd just flat out don the name that I should have had to begin with! Yeah, that's right... Deadpool! Well, I do have to say... it was about time, too. After all, I am Deadpool.
I guess I became known as the Merc with a Mouth, or something like that. I don't really pay that much attention. I think it had something to do with the fact that people just wished I'd shut up. But, unlike that "Wolverine" movie where they decided to completely destroy my character... they never did make me stop talking.
Well, I really didn't like working with Weapon X too much after a while. It got boring, really. Same old same old, day in and day out... it was really a waste of both my abilities and overall awesomeness. So... you know what I did? I decided to leave! Heh... oh, you should have seen the looks on their faces....
They didn't appreciate that, but I managed to persuade them after several bullet holes in their guards, decapitated heads, and general mayhem. Oh, sure, Wolverine was the first one to do it, blah blah blah. Well, mine was better, and cooler. And I did it alone. So... suck it, Wolverine!
- "Ooooooh... this is a quote, quoty-quoty-quote-quote...."
- — Deadpool
Meh, so sue me. I ran out of headers titles. Better than all that "Coming Soon" crap you see littered around here. And you guys call yourselves "writers." Pfft. My pet monkey could write better. Well, maybe type. And if he was with a whole lot of other monkeys. Technically, "chimps," as it would go. And they were all in the same room. Then, eventually, in theory, a legitimate sentence might actually come of it!
Seeing as you haven't experienced all my glorious adventures yet, there really isn't anything else to say here. I guess you'll just have to wait and see! Let's get on with why I'm such a cool character, shall we? Starting with... POWAHS! (I don't care if it's supposed to be spelled "powers." That just looks lame.)
Well, for one thing, I got the best superpower in all of superpower-dom! Ultimate Badassery! ... What? That is so a superpower!
Besides that, I got this thing called a healing factor, or whatever. It's pretty much saying that I'm just like Wolverine, but cooler! See, not only can I regenerate any damaged or destroyed areas of my cellular structure at a rate far greater than that of an ordinary human, but I can also regrow severed limbs and vital organs! Oh, yeah! Wolverine just got one-upped! How does that lick your cheese-puffs, "bub?" And I guess that the speed of the healing depends on the severity of the damage taken or something like that, but honestly? I'm too cool to take damage! Besides that, I'm pretty much immune to, like, everything, and can live longer. Which just means more of me to love, baby!
Also, because I'm such a kickass character, my original writers, which Cadden just basically shamefully copied... not that any of those other characters around here are any different, I've noticed... graced me with enhanced physical attributes. Like super-stamina and super-endurance and super-strength... you know, the whole package. And speaking of packages...
... What? Oh, right... this is supposed to be a family-friendly shindig. Well, you guys get the idea, anyway. Basically, my powers make me... aaaaaaaweeeesoooooooomeeee....
And no, I don't have those optical blast thingies like one-eye dude, or the teleportation powers like whatshisname, or the katanas that extend from my forearms similar to Wolverine's little scrapers. That was all Fox idiocy to my character. Though it would not be below me to say that would be cool, but Cadden didn't want that. He takes the fun out of everything.
I'm an extraordinary hand-to-hand combatant and skilled in multiple unarmed combat techniques, as well as a badass with swords and guns. Pretty much you can't get any better than me. I also know how to kill you in so many ways, it puts that one show to shame. And because I have found a need to be cool in so many different languages, I randomly decided that I'm fluent in Japanese, German, Spanish, etc. etc. etc. Pretty much if I decide it, it is so.
It also goes without say that I know that I only exist in a comic book. And TV series. And movie... movies... whatever. And a game that's going to be awwwwwweeeeeeeesooooomeeee. And on this Internet forum. And many Wikis. You get the idea. But you know what? That's cool by my book, 'cause it just means that I really can't die, since none of this is real.
... Or is it?
Weapons and ParaphernaliaEdit
I'm basically a walking army. I got my two swords strapped to my back that I just love using, and got enough guns to put Kyle Katarn to shame. Plus I'm cooler than him. Also, rather than that teleportation power I was talking about earlier, I randomly decided that I got this device that mimics that ability, located in my belt to whisk me out of (and occasionally into) danger. There's also this neat holographic image inducer that I can use to disguise my true appearance as necessary. But I don't think I've ever really needed to use it. Why would I want to be anyone else but me? In the words of Christopher Walken, "It's crazy!"
Yeah... I work out. Several times a day, each week, all year long. Hear that, kids? Work out, and you could be just like me! Which I doubt, because I'd still be better than you. I can match the strength of any Olympic-level weightlifter, easy... and more! So don't mess with me, got it? I guess that, for the sake of this Wikia, I should mention I can lift up to 800lbs or so. I hate these stupid technicalities. Takes the fun out of it. Besides, what if I wanted to lift a bus? Now I can't, 'cause I just said that'd be an impossible task. Thanks, guys. You're such killjoys!
So, apparently, people think that I've got ADD, or something, and that I'm pretty much insane. I like to think of it more as "unpredictable" and "fun." Just ask Bob! He'll vouch for me!
But I guess my healing factor is what gives me my violent tendencies. And apparently my... "mental state"... makes me a very irritating person to be around, as lot of people just can't match my witty repartee! So, teamwork doesn't happen very often, it would seem. I still think it's 'cause they're too distracted by their jealousy of me to be able to focus on the mission.
Am I deformed? I don't know... that's a good question. I never saw myself without the mask. I must be, but then maybe not. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
... What? No, I'm not going to tell them that... you're not going to let me continue this article any further if I don't? And you'll even change it to where all my awesomeness is just that boring information crap that all those other articles have? ... Well, okay. So, thing is, Cadden wanted me to tell you guys, I'm also completely founded in the belief that I am, in fact, Wade Wilson. There, happy? Good.
... And I will shoot anyone in the face repeatedly for telling me otherwise! Mostly 'cause it's fun. I don't really need an excuse, it just adds to the flavor. Keeps it fresh.
Like one of Cadden's other creations, Taskmaster, you're free to roleplay me as you see fit, within limitations of course. Gotta keep my image! However, unlike that character, you will need to run it by Cadden first, 'cause he's gonna be busy making me his new favorite. Even moreso than Wolverine! Heh heh heh....
Oh, and also, unlike Taskmaster... and all of Cadden's other characters for that matter... I'm totally, 100% awesome. Which is why such a necessity for communication is desired. Can't have everyone writing about me, now can we?